Post 13 : My Dad, I love you :')

February 26, 2018

بِسْـــــــــمِ ﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم   


Hi guys, who ever heard a song Secret Love Song from Little Mix ft. Jason Derulo? That song really makes me feel sad. The lyrics, tone, and the harmony reminds me to my family especially my dad and grandma.Since two years old, I lived with my grandma in a small rural village in Penang. Nothing much to be describe but I feel grateful be raised by my grandparents as my parent had divorced. This is not because I don't like them, but the rights lies to my dad. Its weird but whatever. This song really makes me remember them as they always do their best to show their love for me. 


When I was kid, I was always being angry to my parent as I blaming them for not raising me up like other children should have it. Since I was six years old, every graduation day I involved, they never went there. On that time, I feel really useless and I don't know why they do this to me. I only follow the flow and didn't asked too many question to my grandma as I will feel more useless. On that time, I was six years old, my grandma said,"study well so that your dad will buy you a present" I kept that word until the first day I entered Standard one. From that, I know. I will never get anything as I thought maybe he never remember me. So I just continuing my kid age without my parent in side, and Alhamdulillah. That's nothing more to be weird as I knew, I will keep growing with my grandma. Until I got the result for my UPSR in standard six. I got 5A' s ya flying colours. On that day, I felt very sad as I wish someone could waiting for me outside of the lab like the others parents do. But ya, Musfirah. You already know the fact. But you still being dumb. 


There is no one will waiting for you outside the lab, except they will call you later. And ya, can you imagine. others have their parents beside, but me? No one. Once teacher announced that only two student got straight A, and my name being announced. I feel blessed. But, ya. I am the first person can get out from the lab but I be the last person who needed to wait until my usual class ended as no one of my family came to pick me up. That was the saddest things happen to my life. When my teachers asked me why why why. I just saying that I wanna do a surprise. But my grandma had sent my aunt aka neighbour to look me there on that time. Just I didn't saw her huhu.


After that day, my thought about my parent became strongly said that they don't love me. And I keep blaming myself why you should be born today but you don't get like others. It just a vain things. But, like Allah said, 

“Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya,” (QS. Al-Baqarah: 286).
Suits my life. I know there must be a reasons why my life be so much miserable since I was kid. Then, on that time. also, I really want to study in MRSM. I went for an Interview and bla bla bla. Then Alhamdulillah. I got it. Starting from that time, I can said that every month I will meet my dad as he is the one who will sending me back to mrsm and picking me home. Since then, I know. I shouldn't think badly about him, as he always get out every morning to earn a living. Everytime I'm in the car with my dad. ofcourse we were not talking as I feeling awkward. So, silent.

but there was a thing that hovering over my head. Why my dad will not down to lift my stuff in my room as others dad did. before this, he has a long hair. Not to long but seems like a Rocker something like that. I just assumed that, maybe he might be ashamed or maybe he also didn't want me to get ashamed. But it was really make me feel sad because I need to lift my stuff lonely and it was very heavy as I don't know what I just bringing. hahaha. my fault ok.

Next, After 5 years surviving as a full boarding school in one of the elite school, It's time for spm and Alhamdulillah I got a good result *for me and family ofcs. But, one things that I really appreciate is, the day I went to have my result. my dad brought me there. And on that time I really hope that my results will make him proud. because I got him a bit disappointed in my pt3 as I play to much and don't even very serious in exam. But, like usual. my dad will never went to the hall, he just drove me there and then he went to service the car. So, I went hall with friends. The moment I get my result, ofcs I was crying.  because it was a happy cry. Didn't expect too much as I know how bad I am on that exam time. But so grateful !

When, in the journey to home, my ibu said, "yah dapat berapa" and I just keep silent. and I gave her my script. And ibu said "Ha Baguslahh, 7A ni. Bapak tengok ni yah dapat 7a." On that time, I know, my dad also didn't expect it. but until now I still don't get any appreciation/congratulations wishes from him. em this things really make me sad until now. from that I learnt, I shouldn't hope for something that I know it will never happened.

But, after that I noticed that he being more concerned about me and asked me what courses I want to further my study and he just supported eventho he never knew about that. Then, I apply for a foundation in UUM and went for an interview, I wa very happy bcs my dad and ibu willing to accompany me there. I went 8 0'clock and arrived on 10:30 AM, then, need to wait for my turn until 5PM. Can you imagine, it was about ten hours there. and when we back home, my dad started to sick. and I realized that the first time I saw my dad being sick like that as he can't move even want to stand. ibu also said "takpernah pernah jadi macamni, drive jauh kut". Ibu make others feel calm but not me. I keep blaming myself and I swear if I don't get this university, I will always blaming myself and never forgive myself for what had happened.

But, alhamdulillah, after 2 weeks like that, my dad already healed. and he can worked as usual. but on that time, his company was going to closed as the HR said, there's hard to get a profit here so they want to open the branch in Singapore. They can get work there but, with the old of my dad, it's hard. so, my dad didn't have a work then he went to be a fisherman for awhile but, when monsoon season, it's hard for them to get any fish and their boat always broken. It's hard being a fisherman as if the boat is broken it tooks about 1-3k to repair.

After one month I entered this university, my dad decided to do a grab. and now he become a grab driver. with the compensation money, he bought a new car to qualified him to be a grab driver. and Alhamdulillah, being a grab driver is more getting profit but needed to be so diligent. And now, my dad always feels sick and tired as I know, he keep driving and went out to get a customer in a peak hours eventho he didn't get enough rest.

For what I observed now, my dad had been changing a lot as he always shorten his hair, always supporting his children, always go out to earn a living, and since I was 17years old, I stop blaming him as I know, I got wrong about him. And as a daughter, I shouldn't think like that, how bad I am. em. To my dad, Encik Zaini. I love you eventho I can't saying it, And if I can hug you everytime we met, I do. I am sorry for being a bad daughter doubting her dad love. I am sorry.

Now, I know the real meaning of life, as I can see, everyone in my family struggling to live in a better place, better life and I should appreciate it, Thankyou all of you. And I really love you. Special thanks to My dad, Tok for taking care me since I was kid, Mama for gave birth to me, Ibu for being a nice stepmother not like in Indon Drama, and welcome to my uncle as thanks for taking care for my mama, kakak fatin as she changed a lot since she will getting married soon heehe, Ina a stubborn sister but still nice,  Danial my brother, Makjang as always get us a special food and enough fruits, My prince ofcs who always be my friend, enemy, and prince in my heart, Abang Irwan who will be my bro in-law, and to all who helping me and realizing me the true meaning of life, I love all of you 👄👄💖💖💖💖

p/s: Ignore my grammar bcs I got B+ in SPM, so my English is bad 😂😓

Love, Mushy

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